Etiquette and Manners
giri
Table Etiquette
Table Etiquette Do’s and Don’ts
Basic Japanese for the Dinner Table
Chopsticks
How to Use Chopsticks
Chopsticks Do’s and Don’ts
Bowing
Gift Giving
Business Cards

Etiquette and Manners
Japanese etiquette is a well established system of manners and behavior which is based on a hierarchy which ranks all people and things in terms of status. For example, me-ue-no-hito (a person whose eye is above) is a person who is of higher social standing such as a top ranking corporate executive, government official or teacher. Me-shita-no-hito (a person whose eye is below) is a person who is of lower social standing relative to the other person such as someone who is in the employ of a corporate executive, a governmental official or the student of a teacher. Typically older people have higher social standing than younger people. The emperor and the royal family are considered me-ue-no-hito by all. The system of hierarchy is so pervasive that the Japanese language itself is divided into "polite speech" (keigo), "regular speech", "casual speech" and further divided into "male speech" and "female speech". Verbs are typically conjugated differently in each of these speech patterns. Personal status is also reflected by the "title" used in referring to and addressing other people. While the suffix "san" is typically added to people's names who are of equal social status, the suffix "sama" is added to the names of people of higher social status. The suffix "kun" is added to the names of young boys and "chan" is typically added to the names of young girls and babies.

Things are also ranked by status which is most clearly illustrated by the use of the honorific "o" prefix in certain words. While "kome" literally means rice and "cha" means tea, these foods are so revered that the "o" prefix is added so they become "o-kome" and "o-cha". To further illustrate this point, mother is "o-kaa-san", father is "o-to-san". Sometimes in "male speech" the honorific "o" is dropped but that is usually when men are speaking among themselves.

The Japanese system of etiquette is probably one of the oldest and most complex in the world. There is a prescribed code of manners governing much of what a person does and how it is done. A person's manners are seen as a direct reflection of his/her level of education and morality. In feudal Japan, the Imperial nobility established a strict code of conduct which was later enforced by the samurai class. Transgressions were sometimes punishable by death. As recent as the late 19th century, the Japanese followed a system of etiquette which governed everyday behavior including dress, greeting, sitting, walking, sleeping and of course eating.

Although times have changed considerably, the Japanese still follow a code of etiquette specific to greeting, thanking, gift giving, obligation (giri) and table manners.

Giri
"Don't forget your giri or your loincloth" from the novel, Sendohbeya

"giri" is one of those Japanese words for which there is no simple English translation. It refers to an innate sense of duty, obligation, morality and the absolute need to return a favor. Everyone is bound by giri - giri toward ones parents (filial piety) and giri toward ones teachers and benefactors. giri is also expressed at the societal level by meeting ones obligations and responsibilities as best as possible. Meeting the demands of giri are synonymous with defending one's personal honor even under the most adverse circumstances. giri is taken so seriously that sometimes Japanese people have been known to commit suicide in an attempt to satisfy it. giri is a powerful force in Japanese society which promotes order, discipline and a general sense of societal well-being. The American anthropologist, Ruth Benedict in her book, "The Chrysanthemum and the Sword" explains that the reason why the Japanese are so bound by giri is, "if they do not, they would be regarded as 'ignorant of giri' and be put to shame in front of others."

Table Etiquette
The etiquette of eating in Japan (meshiagaru) is based on a long tradition greatly influenced by the tenants of Zen which have impacted every aspect of Japanese life. The cuisine is meticulously prepared with attention to the subtleties of flavor and of course presentation. It is a celebration of detail, color, fine flavor and even the four seasons. A typical Japanese meal involves many different foods and sauces presented in little dishes - each a work of art unto itself. As much as possible, the food which is prepared is based on what is in season as freshness is particularly valued. Dishes are selected for each food item keeping in mind color, texture and ease of handling. It is considered polite to pick up small dishes and bring them close to your mouth especially when eating soup and rice. The soup bowl (which usually is on the right side of the place setting) is picked up and the soup is sipped directly from the bowl. Chopsticks are used to capture the tofu, seaweed, vegetables, etc. which flavor the soup. The rice bowl (which is usually placed on the left) is also picked up and brought to the mouth and basically the chopsticks are used to "shovel" the rice in. When dipping sauces are used, chopsticks are used to pick up the food, dip it into the sauce, then you either convey the food to your mouth directly or place it on the rice before eating it. This serves two purposes. One is that it flavors the rice as it is not considered polite to pour sauce directly onto the rice in the rice bowl. The other is that the rice bowl becomes a vehicle for bringing the food to the mouth without dripping it all over the table. It is said that slurping is not only the polite thing to do at a Japanese meal but that if you don't do it the chef would be insulted. That's not true, however, particularly when eating ramen (Chinese noodle soup) or donburi (big bowls of rice topped with flavored meat, chicken, vegetables, etc.) or even miso soup, it is customary to slurp and because of the nature of the food, it's a lot easier to slurp than not to.

Before eating, it is important to say itadakimasu which literally means "I shall partake" and serves as a kind of pre-meal grace. Then, after the dinner is over, it is also important to say gochisohsama deshita which shows your appreciation for the meal.
At many Japanese restaurants, bars and inns, guests are given a wet face or hand towel called oshibori. It is usually heated in the winter and cold in the summer and is used to freshen-up before eating. Once used, it is taken away by the hostess. Since there are usually no napkins at Japanese restaurants, most Japanese carry handkerchiefs which they use specifically during meals and place it in their laps. An interesting addition to many Japanese table settings is the toothpick. Contrary to western sensibilities, it is not considered impolite to pick ones teeth after a meal at the table as long as it is done discreetly.
The best overall rule to follow when dining with Japanese people is to exercise the same good manners you learned at home while learning the ways of eating this most exotic cuisine by paying attention to your neighbors.

Table Etiquette Do’s and Don’ts

Chopsticks

Origins
The first evidence of chopsticks dates back to about 2000 B.C. in China and they were later introduced to Japan sometime in the early centuries A.D. Since most Japanese dishes consist of bite-sized pieces of food, chopsticks were quickly adopted as an efficient eating utensil. Unlike the Chinese who typically use large spoons for eating soup, the Japanese who prefer to drink soup from bowls, also use chopsticks to pick up the bite-sized pieces of tofu, vegetables and fish etc. which are among its ingredients.

In Japan, chopsticks which are used at the table are usually made of bamboo or lacquered wood. In the Japanese home each family member has his or her own set of chopsticks which are more often, selected by the person himself. The disposable chopsticks used in restaurants (wari-bashi) are made of a light-weight wood and have traditionally been attached at one end to insure the customer that they have not been used before. Chopsticks are also used for cooking and these are usually made of wood, bamboo or metal.

How to Use Chopsticks

Chopstick Etiquette: Do’s and Don'ts

Bowing
Bowing is basic to Japanese etiquette. It is the way Japanese people greet each other, say farewell, show respect, express thanks and apologize. For the Japanese who are particularly conscious of personal space, bowing establishes a comfortable and respectful distance between two people. In modern times, the Japanese have become comfortable with the "handshake" as a form of greeting when dealing with westerners. At the same time, the Japanese are appreciative when a westerner shows respect for this time honored custom by bowing when meeting. The degree of the bow is determined by social status. When a person of higher social status meets a person of lower social status, the person of lower social status bows the deepest. A typical bow is done at about a 15 degree angle and the longer it is held the more feeling it evokes. When bowing is done as an apology, it must be as low as 90 degrees. Akutagawa Ryunosuke (1892-1927), famous Japanese short story writer best known for his work, "Rashomon", also wrote "The Bow" which is a short story telling about a related encounter.

Gift Giving
The system of gift giving in Japan is perhaps one of the most intricate and demanding in the world. There is an entire etiquette surrounding gift giving which specifies, when, to whom, under what circumstances a gift should be given as well as what type of gift is appropriate given the occasion, how much it should cost and even how the gift should be wrapped. Besides the usual occasions (weddings, graduations, etc.), gift giving is done to express thanks and appreciation to teachers, superiors, doctors, benefactors, etc. and to establish and maintain both personal and business relationships. Traditionally, the Japanese do not celebrate birthdays or Christmas however, there are two distinct times a year when gift giving is practiced. Once is in June before the Obon Festival and the other is in December before the end of the year. Oseibo (gifts given in June) as well as ochugen (gifts given in December) are generally given to people to whom one feels feel indebted. Business owners give gifts to good customers, patients to doctors and students to teachers, etc. The cost of these gifts varies but usually is around 5000 yen ($50) though oseibo can be somewhat less expensive. Companies in Japan give bonuses both in June and December which helps employees offset this expense.

Another highly ritualized gift giving practice is the custom of giving gifts (omiage) when thanking someone for an invitation, paying someone a visit, and before and after taking a long trip. When visiting a friend or acquaintance, it is customary to bring food items such as a bakery cake, rice crackers, beautifully packaged fresh fruit, etc. However when visiting the office of a client, potential business associate or government official, the omiage might be tea cups or laquerware and would be more expensive. When a person goes away on a long trip, associates and friends often give money and in turn, the one who has traveled, brings back presents for all. Giving gifts in the form of money is a common practice in Japan particularly in the case of weddings, funerals, and graduations, etc. Today, many Japanese have adopted the western practice of giving gifts on birthdays, Christmas etc. and of course chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day.

When presenting or receiving gifts it is polite to hold the gift in both hands and bow respectfully at the exchange.

Business Cards
When meeting someone in business, it is customary to exchange business cards. Business cards are given and received by both hands and each person bows at the exchange. It is important to present your business card so that the writing is facing the person receiving it so that he doesn't have to turn it around to read it. After receiving a business card it should be handled with respect and placed in a special "business card holder" and not just dropped into a pocket or purse. When meeting a number of new people in a conference or dining setting, it is considered polite to place their business cards in front of you on the table so that you can easily refer to them by name.

Since many Japanese do a lot of business overseas, today most Japanese business cards are printed with English on one side, and Japanese on the other.